Brian: "No I don't want my dick sucked"
Brian: "Five guys? That's too much!"
Brian : "No sex after 7"

Ted: "I am totally confident in myself!"
Cowen & Lipman: "Thank you so much for this Emmy! We'd like to thank...."
Justin to Michael: "You know...Brian really sucks in bed..."
Lindsay: "I LOVE that I'm a lesbian!"

Brian: "Justin... Do you want your eggs poached or fried?"
Brian to Joanie: "You are the best mom in the world."
Lindsay: "I am comfortable with our financial status."
Brian: "About my new place… I was thinking IKEA..."

Brian: "If I keep sewing these designer labels on my clothes then no one will realize I'm really buying my wardrobe at the Big Q."
Brian: "I just...I just want to find someone who really wants to have a relationship. Not just sex."

Debbie to Mikey: "It's none of my business who you love".
Debbie: "I'm going to get rid of this ridiculous wig."
Debbie: "No, that t-shirt is too inappropriate"

Brian to Justin: "You need money for school? Go to someone who cares!"
Brian to a shrink: "I'm not interested in sex, I just want to talk to you about some problems I have with relationships."

Lindsay to Mel: "Brian really didn't jerk off in a cup."
Lindsay to Mel: "Of COURSE I love YOU more than Brian!"
Lindsay: " Brian who?"
Ben: Buddha who?

Brian: "Now everyone joins hands...I'd like to say grace."
Brian: "You know, straight people aren't so bad."
Brian to Justin: "Hurry up, I don't want to be late for brunch at Lindz and Mel's house."

Michael to Brian: "Put it on me. Now roll over."
Brian to Michael: "Put it on me. Now roll over."
Emmett to Ted: "Put it on me. Now roll over."

Melanie to Brian: "I'm glad that you're the father of our child."
Craig Taylor: "Let me introduce you to my son-in-law, Brian."
Justin: "I like pussy…"
Brian to Justin: "I need you"
Brian to Emmett: "Will you be my personal wardrobe consultant?"
Brian to Ted: "You look hot!"
David: "You choose."

Michael: "What do you think Brian… The Gucci shirt, or the Prada blouse?…"
Brian: "Michael, Michael… When will you learn that Labels aren't everything!" 

Brian to Michael: "I'm going to fuck you. I'm going to fuck you all night long."
Brian to Debbie: "There are more important things in life than sex.

Brian: "Lindsay, I just realized that I'm straight and really want to marry you.
Lindsay: I'm sorry, but Melanie comes first with me."

Joan to Brian: "I've been a terrible mother."
Brian: "I will grow old gracefully."

Daphne: "I'll never say oh my god again."
Chris: "Handjobs by hot guys are cool."
Cynthia: "I quit Brian."

Mel: "Where are you going?"
Lindsay: "Bra shopping!"

Lindsay to Brian: "Mel is right, Brian."
Brian to Mysterious Marilyn: "Are you coming or going? Or coming...then going? Or coming...and staying??"

Brian: "We can go out after I finish knitting this sweater."

Jennifer to Michael Jackson: "Please touch my son."
Jennifer to Melanie: "Please touch my daughter."

Michael: "Comics are a waste of time."
Michael: "Said no and that's final."

Daphne to Justin: "I don't want to hear about your problems anymore."
Brian: "Hand me a tissue, you know how emotional I am...."

Cowlip to interviewers: "Here's the truth..."
One of Brian's tricks: "Don't touch me like that."
Brian: "I'm still a virgin."
Brian: "I'm going to be late for church."
Brian: "I've ran out of condoms."
Brian: "Who cares how I look and I don't mind the aging process one bit. As a matter of fact with age comes wisdom."

Anyone to Debbie: "You have impeccable taste!"
Craig to Justin: "Wanna come with me down to Liberty Ave and pick up some hot hunky guys together?"
Mel: "You're right Linz Brian is totally HOT!!!"
Justin to Brian: "Hey, do you wanna do it with a girl tonight?"

Possible spoilers for season 3:

Justin: "I love you Ethan."
Melanie & Lindsay: "Craig, we'd like you to be the father for our third child."
Brian: "Are you sure you don't need anything Claire?"
Justin to Brian:  "Ethan was much better in bed."
Unknown friend of Justin's to Brian: "Oh, so you're the guy Justin fucks more than once."
Gus: " _ _ _ _ " (fill in the blank with any word)